This chapter got cut from the manuscript, and is not edited. Here, I explore some dreams which seemed to be connected to alchemy, and also to the Divine Feminine.

I wasn’t always such a “Sob Queen.” As a teenager invested in appearing masculine and tough as nails, crying just wasn’t my usual gig, even when my dad died. But since starting my spiritual rawk music journey, I surprise myself at the volume of saltwater gushing out of my eyes. So many emotions are being unleashed now on a regular basis that I feel like Old Faethful. It’s 10 o’clock. Grab the Kleenex. There she blows.

Crying releases tension and emotion, and our subconscious often releases tension through dreams. Several years ago, a cluster of dreams regarding codes and puzzles plagued my subconscious. They presented numerous clues to the puzzle and are about to unfold as I attempt to understand the fundamental meaning of hu-man existence. Now that’s something to cry about.

In November of 1999 I dreamt the guys in the band were sitting on chairs and the singer had darker, shorter hair. He was doing, “a puzzle, kind of box like, and it had a paragraph with icons on it that were for some funeral thing.” This had nothing to do with the rest of the dream, and I was clueless at the time what it meant. But he (or me, since he might represent some aspect of my unconscious) is trying to figure out a puzzle in his hands.

In April of 2000, this dream is actually an alchemical code my subconscious gave me, long before I had any interest in Alchemy. It briefly includes the singer from TBIF.

“There is this other woman (not me in dream) who is married to the singer and she’s wearing a long white dress. She runs over to her sister, who is in another long white dress, and says she can’t believe she slept with the singer. “How could you?” she yells at her. Then the singer, in a red tank top, runs up some steps to his wife. The sister lifts up her dress and her privates are blackened out and she says, “Doing this will get me on a roast.” Then, the focus on her face turns into a TV screen and starts to zoom out and all of these people are at a dais like Dean Martin’s old roasts. One guy on the end of the dais tells jokes and another banters with him.”

In July of 2000, a man who looked like a Native American Indian told me I had a code down in my lady parts so that we couldn’t make love. Some other things take place, and “I wound up in this big field of vegetables trying to get the code out of my crotch area. It had strings going across, like a booby trap. I think it was resolved.”

In December of that year, I dream I’m in a car chase and the driver I’m chasing is a bad guy, but I love him. There is another woman in the car with him, and both our cars go over this cliff, but I get the guy and girl out safely. “He tells her the secret code to something, and he is bleeding at the neck.”

All of these dreams focus on codes and puzzles, and two of them had a woman’s private parts involved. Quick, call Howard Stern! This might seem confusing but it really isn’t. The DaVinci Code explores part of the meaning to this code. It’s possible the female parts were either obscured or blackened out because my subconscious tapped into a very old collective unconscious understanding of the Divine Feminine.

While the Ego embraces our masculine consciousness; making manifest ideas, logical linear thinking, anger, separation, force, arrogance, impatience, war, hate, and fear, the Divine Feminine is everything the Ego is not: intuition, dreams, the subconscious, creativity, patience, peace, grace, humility, appreciation, unity and much more. That’s why we need her so badly, so that we can balance the lopsided, masculine driven consciousness of our planet at this time. (And don’t you boys go gettin’ all pissy over that comment. Sometimes the truth hurts, so just deal.)

The concept of the divine or sacred feminine is presented as a higher path to consciousness. Man needs woman or the feminine in order to be complete. Not so much in a physical way, but in a spiritual manner. In Alchemy, there is a significant text called The Chemical Wedding. “The marriage of spirit and soul, (also referred to as) sulfur and quicksilver, sun and moon, or king and queen, is the central symbol of alchemy. Alchemy is based on the view that man, as a result of the loss of his original Adamic state, is divided within himself.”

In the afterlife, or whatever you wanna call it, souls are not male or female. We’re sexless, complete little matrixes of energy (that’s my take). Here, hu-mans are split or divided into male or female, and that causes us lots of indigestion. We seem to be preoccupied with finding our perfect other half of the opposite sex to make us feel complete. Hogwash. Let’s see if my dreams can help blaze some light on the subject.

In the first dream the singer worked on a puzzle, which was related to a funeral. The funeral may symbolize the death of the Ego. In many alchemical texts, the King, which represents the masculine, but also consciousness, must be executed and die in order for rebirth to occur. In other words, it’s necessary to surrender your Ego and follow spirit in order to obtain a greater understanding of your true Self.

So the puzzle appeared to be filled with icons or symbols, which had something to do with a funeral. Perhaps I was subconsciously trying to decipher a way to bring forth the death of my own Ego. Oh, oh, lookee here. What about the dream with the chick Meggie? When the singer sang her name it sounded like a funeral dirge because Meggie was dead. Could The DaVinci Code help me decipher my own subconscious codes? Then, in the second dream, the women wore long white dresses, symbolic of a wedding. The marriage is threatened because he cheated on his wife with her sister. The dude wears red and the women don white. Red in alchemy represents the masculine (note the guy in the last dream was bleeding, the color red and the feminine is generally white). So there is a possible break up or disorganization between the masculine and feminine in my subconscious. The girl has her privates blackened out, and this is the third major color in Alchemy. Black, white and red represent the primary stages of spiritual transformation.

The sister in my dream said, “This will get me on a roast.” A roast ensued, with jokes and a dais and a guest of honor, but this was my subconscious using a hilarious metaphor. It was a roast for Christ sakes. Get it? It’s my subconscious giving me a double entendre! Why? Because our subconscious is bored to death. So it plays a game of hide and seek with us, and sometimes uses humor to get our attention. In alchemy, roasting is the process by which heat is applied to physical matter to initiate change. Something has to act as a catalyst and fire or roasting begins that stage of the process. I was floored after re-reading that dream nearly three years later and saw all of the alchemical pieces in it.
So, what does this signify? For me, it means my subconscious is a total prankster and sent “codes” long before Rawk Girl was cognizant of any encoded messages. It didn’t matter that I had no conscious knowledge of alchemy or the Tarot symbols at that time, because the codes are archetypal. My soul knew someday I’d figure out the clues to the codes. What’s the message? The human race needs to embrace both the Masculine AND Divine Feminine to evolve, and thus far, we’re completely stuck in Dudeville.

Alchemists and other esoteric groups considered the feminine to be the divine gateway to God. That was one of the big secret codes. While the past 2000 years have been all about dudes (God is a dude, Mohamed, Buddha, Jesus...all dudes; fill me up with high testosterone), a few groups vociferated a dissenting opinion: “Aren’t you a bit off balance without acknowledging the feminine energy? Didn’t we have centuries before dudes ruled where the Goddess was a VIP and got front row Rolling Stones seats? What happened to all that scrumptious chick worshiping?” Poof. Gone. She’s invisible, at least in our Judeo-Christian societies. It disappeared for the most part until recent history.

Eve gave Adam the forbidden fruit. Bad Eve, bad girl. For that, you and all women shall eternally be punished. Thousands, maybe millions, of women were burned as witches during the Middle Ages and females still have little or no status in many parts of the world. Yet we are the key to your salvation guys. You have been suppressing the very thing that will lead towards enlightenment. The code is all about girl power. And I have a cosmic ha-ha every time I re-read there were strings like a booby-trap across my private area, and the blackened female parts in one of the dreams. The secret to the code is hidden or obscured. We won’t make it easy to gain the wisdom that you seek, guys. There will be traps and dead-ends along the way, and the biggest snare will be getting sucked into the illusion that it is all about the physical.

A woman’s body can be very tempting. Men seem to be programmed to go into a self-induced state of retardation around a shapely, attractive female. But this is the task. Will you figure out the mystery of a woman and what secrets she holds for you? Ultimately, I believe the code tells me that men and women alike need to develop the energy of their counterparts in order to become whole. The yang ain’t nothing without the yin. It is a spiritual path that must be embarked upon in the physical world. And when the masculine and feminine merge, not only sexually but spiritually, the orgasm that one feels is the spark of God(dess) within ones soul. The (Al)Chemical Wedding will be complete.